Fears...

I have been reading this book by Erwin McManus titled "Wide Awake" lately. It has been a great book to read because it is about living out your dreams. As I have been reflecting on this book, I have found myself needing to face some the fears in my life. It is a weird thing how we let our fears control our actions and lives and dreams. Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines fear as "an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger," but we see throughout scripture that God only tells us to fear one thing and that is Him (Dt. 6:13, Jos. 24:14, Eccl 12:13, etc.) God is very specific about this, but I think often times we lose sight of what we should and that is trusting that God will get us through the things that are unknown (future things) to us at the present, and I believe it is just a lack of knowing who God is (I am very guilty of this.)

My experience with fears has been a great and awful all at the same time. It's hard to not fear things that we feel we don't have control over. We (humans) are so control driven and if we don't have that it brings on a sense of anxiety, unsecurity, and ultimately fear in what will happen if we don't have control. There is a great example of how nervous people can get if they need to trust something. You know it and probably have seen it before. Someone tells you stand on top of something put your hand crossed across your chest and a group of people behind you tell you to let yourself fall backwards and trust that they will catch you. How often are we not going to cringe a little bit before doing. I know I do. It takes a great deal of trust to do something that involves trusting this group of people. Now, let's think about this. How much more should we trust the creator of this world, the creator of you, the all powerful God that we serve. What a great thing to know that we can trust God and trust that He knows what is best for us and lays out His path for us before we even know it (I don't want to get into an argument about predestination vs. free will with that statement.) Anyways, that's all for now, because work is done and need to leave.

Please reflect on this scripture which speaks about fear, Is. 41:10.

Transitions...

Well, it is a new year again, and here I am trying to imagine what 2009 will have in store. As of late, really late, Megan and I have been discussing this idea of "dreams," and we both have had this deep longing stirring up in us to start following those dreams. Since, these dreams are staying between her and I and few select people who are wholeheartedly praying for us, I will not be giving details right now about them. The reason I say that is because I don't want people to think that "here goes Kyle again coming up with this stuff he wants to do, but then it never happens" type thinking.

This year is going to be a transition year, that's all I can say, and it is going to be one where we both are going into the realm of the uncomfortable, which scares us both! Megan and I have come to conclude that life is too short to not go into the unknown. Being comfortable is not something that is going help us grow and live. Let's live and dream and hope and trust that God will take to us places where we need to trust Him and Him alone.

If you want to pray for us, pray that we embrace these fears we have, conquer them and trust His leading. God bless you all in this 2009 year.

I was tired of waiting
Playing all the games and
Living in a place that was not for me
So I thought it was time
For me to get what's mine
And to do it all, everything I dreamed
What I thought was the best of me turned to be
All the worst I could find

If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore
If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore

Now I got a feeling
That I've got to leave and
Find a way back to where I came from
Though I don't deserve itI know it's unheard but
Living here without you, my life is done
I confess that I shouldn't have run from you
Now I know I was wrong

Nowhere to run to
And no one to turn toI'm dying out here on my own
Long before I even thought of returning
Your arms are wide open
Waiting for me to come home

"Run to you" - Third Day

Dreaming...

I am dreaming.

Dream of what you may ask. Well, that is a good question. I have recently listened to sermon by Erwin McManus, which talked about dreaming, or more for that matter, what is your dream. I came away from the message profoundly convicted, because I my dream has not been one that is a true dream of what my life should be. Let me give you some back context to help you out first. I grew up with parents who are amazing people, but are not the most financially stable (or "wealthy" if you want to use this word) compared to those parents of the friends I grew up with. Because of this my life has been one that has been consumed by wanting to live the absolute opposite of that. I even grew up envying (even jealous of) my best and closest friends who's parents were able to give them the things they wanted (new cars, phones, clothes, etc...). From that my mindset has been make money (lots of money), live rich, and anything else you can put in that category. While this is something that I still struggle with, I am beginning to see that my life and this dream that I have been living is not one that fits me. One of the things that Erwin said which has been going through my brain all week is as follows, "If your dream became a reality right now would it help or hurt people?" Wow! That pierces my heart, because the honest answer is it probably would hurt people for me if that happened right now. Because of this attitude of wanting more and more and living a life that consumed by getting what I feel I deserve that I didn't get or whatever, I feel that I would in the long run hurt those people that mean so much to me by this mindset (dream) that I have been living by for quite some time now.

So, what do I do from here. Well, I think the first thing is asking for forgiveness, seeking God in a true "dream" and moving forward. I am so deeply sorry to those that I have envied for a very long time. A true friend wouldn't be like that and for that I need your forgiveness for not being. I need to change this false "dream" of wanting more and more and live content with what God has given me. I need to refocus my priorities, desires, and ultimately dreams. Lastly, I need to say thanks to God for being so graceful and for helping me through this.

My soul cries out...

This past Sunday at church I had an awesome time of worship, and it left me with wanting more and more of Jesus.  It is awesome how worship brings that out in me!  I remember the days when I was leading worship at Lena Free and how I loved every minute of it, because it was the only place where I felt I gave God my fullest and my full heart was in it.  That was the experience I had this past Sunday at Eastview, and I absolutely loved it!  I need to try and find time to do this more during the week.  Maybe all it will take is locking myself in a room and just worshipping and being in the presence of God without any other distractions around me.  I once heard Louie Giglio say that he would literally go into his closet and worship there, because he knew nobody would bother him in the closet.  I should maybe give that a try.

Praise you Father!  My soul thirst for You!  May I find the time to be with You everyday and worship!  Amen.